How to Advocate for Yourself in Therapy (Especially When It’s Not a Good Fit)
Starting therapy is a big step.
And let’s be honest—it takes courage to even get there.
So what happens when you finally do the brave thing, show up to a session, and something just… doesn’t feel right?
Maybe it’s a gut feeling.
Maybe it’s something they said—or didn’t say.
Maybe you felt misunderstood, overlooked, or just emotionally off after the session.
Here’s your permission slip:
If it’s not the right fit, you are not wrong for noticing that.
You’re being wise. You’re listening to your needs. And that matters.
Therapy Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All
Let’s get this clear: not every therapist will be the right match—and that doesn’t mean therapy isn’t for you.
It might be the vibe.
It might be their approach.
It might be that they don’t “get” your cultural background, your identity, your story, or your specific mental health needs.
Or maybe their energy just isn’t what you need right now. That’s valid.
Finding the right fit is part of the process.
Signs It Might Be Time to Reassess
You deserve to feel emotionally safe and seen in therapy. Here are a few clues that the fit might not be working:
- You feel dismissed, judged, or talked over
- You don’t feel comfortable being honest or vulnerable
- Your therapist lacks cultural awareness or misses major context
- You leave sessions feeling more confused, drained, or overwhelmed
- Your therapist avoids your real concerns or over-focuses on surface issues
- You’re not seeing growth—and you’re not sure they understand your goals
These aren’t reasons to give up on therapy.
They’re reasons to realign your support system.
So What Can You Do?
🔹 1. Get Clear on What You Need
Before making a decision, take a quiet moment and ask yourself:
- What felt off about the session or relationship?
- What do I need more—or less—of?
- Is it about the therapist’s style, their understanding of my identity, or their approach to healing?
Naming your needs is the first act of advocacy.
🔹 2. Try Having an Honest Conversation (If It Feels Safe)
Sometimes a direct conversation can shift things—especially if your therapist is open to feedback.
You might say:
“I’m noticing that I’m not feeling fully comfortable in our sessions. Can we talk about how we’re approaching things?”
“There are parts of my identity or background I’d like to be acknowledged in this work. Is that something you’re experienced with?”
“I’m wondering if we could explore a different pace or focus.”
You’re not being rude. You’re honoring your healing.
And if the therapist responds defensively or with discomfort around accountability? That tells you something too.
🔹 3. Give Yourself Permission to Leave
Let’s be real—this is the hardest part for many of us.
Especially if you’re a people-pleaser, a cycle breaker, or someone who’s always been taught to “stick it out.”
But healing isn’t about loyalty to discomfort.
If it’s not working, you’re allowed to transition. You can say:
“I appreciate the support so far, but I’m looking for something different in my healing journey.”
“I’ve decided to pause our work together while I find someone who better aligns with my needs.”
No long explanation needed. Protecting your peace is reason enough.
Therapy Should Feel Like Partnership—Not Performance
You don’t need a therapist who’s perfect.
You need someone who listens.
Who holds space without judgment.
Who respects your lived experience—even if it’s not their own.
Who walks beside you without rushing or rewriting your story.
That’s the goal. And you’re allowed to seek that out.
Where to Go From Here
If you’ve had a not-so-great experience, don’t give up.
Therapy is like dating—awkward at first, sometimes messy, but when it clicks? It transforms you.
Need a starting place?
✨ Explore culturally responsive, trauma-informed care with us
✨ Learn about our EMDR intensives and coaching
✨ Join the free Cycle Breaker Community
Whether it’s with us or someone else, we just want you to know:
Your healing is worth the effort.
Your voice matters in the process.
You deserve care that honors all of you.